Fairytale Gone Horribly Wrong
by The Forsaken Girl
Summary: Subaru and Kamui just want their ice cream, but Fai has to tell them a story first. A story about a sullen, short-tempered prince in tights and his lovely, crossdressing princess who falls asleep from a curse by an evil witch. Rated T for innuendo. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Moko-chan: Hi! Chibi Moko-chan here as the co writer to this extremely cracky fic! Now I'm gonna turn the show over to Forsaken-chan to explain what this fic's about coz I'm horrible at explaining things!

Forsaken Girl: Moko-chan lies because she is totally awesome xD Ahem. But anyways, hi guys!!! I'm back! :D With the best, most cracktackular crackfic invented by Moko-chan and I ^__^ So, this IS a KuroFai fic for those of you who had read my TomoKuro and were all flabbergasted and thought I switched ships xD No worries, because I didn't, and with me now is our first chapter of the crackfic :D To explain it quickly enough so that you don't get bored, it's the KuroFai version of the Sleeping Beauty xD More explanation at the end since I want everyone to actually read the story, so happy reading!

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**Fairytale Gone Horribly Wrong**

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Kamui pouted, crossing his arms and flopping back onto the large bed. His glassy amethyst eyes narrowed and a small frown appeared on his face. "I want my ice cweam!" he announced defiantly.

Subaru smiled timidly, his bright emerald eyes sparkling a bit from the pale yellowish lights in the room. He gently placed a calming hand on his twin's arm. "I think we have to wait, nii-chan."

Kamui swelled in indignant rage and opened his mouth to speak right as Fai bounced into the room swiftly. "Kamui-chan! Subaru-chan! Who wants to hear a story?" The blond grinned charmingly. Kurogane followed in soon afterwards, grunting silently before letting his muscular body lean back against the doorframe and scowling in annoyance.

Subaru's eyes lighted up, clasping his small hands together as a bright smile spread across his lips, curving at the sides. "I do! What's the story?"

Kamui grimaced and stared at Subaru, ignoring the joyful look upon his twin. "No, we have to get our ice cweam first. Where's our ice cweam?" He demanded, gesturing over to his parents as his eyes darkened.

"Kid, you aren't going to get your ice cream until this idiot tells his stupid story. Why do you like ice cream anyways?" Kurogane asked, staring sternly at the amethyst eyed boy. Kamui glowered at the red-eyed man and he scowled back, engaged in an intimidating staring contest. It lasted for a while, with Fai and Subaru staring at both in exasperation, until Kurogane sighed, bringing up the fail-safe option. "Or else your brother won't get ice cream either."

Subaru's eyes widened, looking surprised at his involvement and quickly turned to his brother with tearful eyes, since he too wanted his ice cweam. Kamui visibly deflated and glared at the smirking man. "Humph. Fine. But then Subaru _and_ I get our ice cweam!"

Fai beamed and sat down on the bed, ruffling Kamui's hair which made the boy twitch slightly. "Of course you two will, Kamui-chan! Now, are you two ready for the story?" Subaru nodded eagerly and Kamui shrugged indifferently, still pouting.

Fai smiled cheerfully. "Okay then! Once upon a time..."

"That's a stupid way to start a story," the older twin deadpanned.

Kurogane half-smiled. "The kid knows something, at least. But you have to listen to him or else you won't get what you want." The red-eyed man frowned, as though he was suffering from this unfortunate turn of events as well.

Fai grinned innocently and glanced at Kurogane. "Why so pouty, Kuro-puu?"

"IT'S KUROGANE!"

"Now, where was I?" Fai wondered, ignoring his husband's rage and smiling benignly at the twins. "Oh yes. Once upon a time, there was an incredibly se- I mean, a dashingly handsome prince named Kurogane. But everyone thinks his name's too long, so they just call him Kuro-tan!"

"Why does this guy have the same name as Otou-san?" Kamui asked suspiciously.

"No reason!" Fai responded cheerily with a laugh. Kurogane sank down on his knees and looked on in acute horror, feeling a headache starting to form. "Now, Kuro-rin was born in a very happy country where his parents, Souma and Kendappa, cared for him and loved him very much. Kuro-myu was very active as a little kid and Souma-san taught him how to fight! But then, as he grew older, Souma and Kendappa got annoyed with Kuro-pii because he didn't have someone important to him. So, they ordered Kuro-wanko to go on a grand adventure to find his princess!"

"This is a weird story," Kamui stated blankly. "Right, Subaru?"

Kamui turned to look at Subaru while Subaru looked at Fai in excitement. "What happens next?" With that, Kamui sweatdropped and gave up arguing. Seeing his little brother's growing interest in the fairytale, he unfortunately had no choice but to listen.

Fai smiled. "Now, we find out about the beautiful princess who was cursed by an evil, wicked witch..."

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A/N: Moko-chan: What was that you ask? It's a work of ART! Ohohohoho! anyways, hope you enjoyed the first chapter to this epic fic. . .now back to Forsaken-chan.

Forsaken Girl: ^__^ I hope you like the first bit! Quite short, but we're just warming up for the next chappie xD Now, we got this idea when we were in the CLAMP in ForumLand Discussion (some shameless advertising here: CLAMP in ForumLand is AWESOME! Any CLAMP or TRC fan would love it! See Moko-chan's profile or PM me for more info :D) and in one of the games section, Moko-chan ingeniously thought of Sleeping Beauty as Fai and it kinda blossomed from there :D Please, if you have any comments or criticisms, review! Both of us love to write and we would appreciate any comments we recieve from you guys :) We love to receive reviews and huggle each one too ^__^ But thank you very much for taking your time to read, I hope you stay tuned for the Chapitre 2! :D


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Forsaken Girl: We're back from the dead! Well, actually I'm back from the dead, Moko-chan has just been waiting patiently for me to finish my end of this thing because I am a slooow person XD And wow, we're really happy about all the reviews we've gotten! You guys rock~! :D Now, with no further ado, I shall give Moko-chan the honor of introducing the second chapter!

A/N Moko-chan: Hi again! Here's chapter 2 of this epic fic! Ohohoho!

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**Fairytale Gone Horribly Wrong**

**Chapitre 2~**

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"In a far, far away place, much farther away from Prince Kuro-sama's kingdom was a land much like his own, but only farther away. The area was beautiful with great fields of green and flowers blossoming all year round. The people were kind hearted and friendly, and the subjects very much loved their royalty, who go by the name of King Touya and Queen Yukito. King Touya was a fiercely kind and steadfast young man who always kept his power in check; his beloved partner Queen Yukito, affectionately nicknamed by the people as Queen Yuki, was a gentle soul with never-ending kindness for all his people. The King and Queen were very happy with their lives but for one small thing; they wanted a child of their own to coddle incessantly. One day, as Queen Yuki lamented on their inability to have kids, he decided to confront his husband on this pressing issue."

"To-ya," Yuki called out, approaching the king's study with hope. "To-ya, dear, I've been thinking. What's stopping us from having kids?"

The king, who stopped midway from writing something on a piece of parchment, raised an eyebrow and appraised him. "Well, last time I checked, which was last night if you recall, you were a very healthy, red-blooded male."

Yukito chuckled a bit and shook his head. "That's not what I meant, To-ya. Why don't we just bend the laws of physics a little and bear a child? I know this simply charming girl, Kobato-san, who I'm sure wouldn't mind giving us a little help─"

"Yuki. We. Are. Man!" Touya stated as he stood up from his desk, grabbed his shoulders and shook him, causing the queen's glasses to fall off its perch on his nose. "We can't just simply bend the laws of physics and get you pregnant. Besides, where the hell would that little monster come out of?"

"But To-yaaaaaa," Yuki whined sadly, picking up his glasses and cleaning them with his sleeve, "How will we have a child to call ours? I know you want one as well."

Touya sighed and scratched his head. "Can't we just ask some lady who doesn't want their kid to give him to us? I'd just rather you not get all hormonal on me."

"We couldn't do that! That would be terrible! The kingdom would gossip endlessly!" the queen admonished but then stopped as he frowned dolefully. "What should we do?"

Touya exchanged a similar frown and tipped Yukito's chin up, kissing him briefly. "I don't know, Yuki. Some good luck will bound to come our way soon, won't it?"

The queen smiled slightly. "Hopefully. And I'm still holding out for that first offer!" He grinned at his lover's squeamish face before walking away to meander about the gardens with the court advisor at hand. Sorata was quite sympathetic to his king and queen's dilemma, and ticked off a myriad of fantastical solutions.

"I understand you two completely, Yuki-sama! I mean, if my beautiful honey wasn't able to conceive children, I would be distraught! Although it wouldn't be too bad as long as my honey was still with me," he trailed off thoughtfully, rubbing his chin and nodding to himself in satisfaction with a clever grin on his face. "You've met Arashi, haven't you, Yuki-sama? Isn't she the most beautiful woman in the world? And she looks even more beautiful now, with her belly sticking out like a huge watermelon! Not that my honey isn't always beautiful, but there's something about pregnant women…"

The queen listened with half an ear as the court advisor rambled on, wishing that he and Touya too could have a baby to raise. As he strolled in between a clump of Sakura trees, a gentle breeze went by, ruffling the cherry blossoms and revealing a clearing up ahead. Yukito walked towards the clearing with a puzzled expression on his face, wondering why the Sakura trees looked particularly pink here and why rays of sunlight shined right there and how a rainbow suddenly appeared over the horizon even though there wasn't any rain.

As he entered the clearing, he saw two baby deer nudging a small bundle on the grass and his eyes widened in astonishment. Not only were those two deer his favorite (he fancied himself to calling them Watanuki and Doumeki), but he was also positive that the little bundle had made suspiciously baby-like noises. Yuki hurried up to where the deer stood and bent down to affirm his suspicions; it was a beautiful blond-haired, blue-eyed baby.

"No way," Sorata gaped, staring at the infant in wonder. The bespectacled queen beamed in joy, carefully picking up the child and cradling the baby in his arms. The little one had the most beautiful face Yuki had ever seen, and so he supposed that he had just gotten himself a baby girl. He turned to Sorata, his eyes sparkling like diamonds and smile as bright as the sun.

"Sorata-kun, will you please tell Touya and the kingdom that they have a princess?" He smiled brilliantly at the other man, who jumped up immediately with a jovial grin and mock-saluted him.

"Of course, Yuki-sama! Oh, I can't wait to tell Touya-ou about this, he'll be thrilled! And the kingdom will jump for joy! My honey will be so happy too!" He ran off, leaving the queen with the two deer and a chipper little yellow bird whom he remembered as Himawari.

"Hello, Watanuki-kun, Doumeki-kun, Himawari-chan. Did you find this baby here?"

"I didn't find it, Yuki-san. Doumeki-kun found it and told Watanuki-kun and me," Himawari chirped brightly, flying gracefully around Yukito's head.

"Thank god you found it, Yukito-san!" Watanuki exclaimed. "This idiot actually wanted to take care of it in the forest! Do you know how dangerous the forest is at night?" he raged at the stoic baby deer next to him, flailing and stomping his hooves on the ground. Doumeki was clearly ignoring him.

"Do you mind if I take care of the baby?" the queen asked kindly yet hopefully.

"It would be better for him," Doumeki said, nodding his head shortly.

"Him?" Yuki asked, bewildered. The other three looked at him blankly.

"Of course! It's the most beautiful little baby boy I've ever seen in my life!" Himawari exclaimed merrily. Yukito peeked inside the blankets and found that yes, indeed, the princess actually turned out to be a prince.

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The queen walked up to his and Touya's bedroom, holding the child securely in his arms. Touya turned a corner right as he was about to open the door and yelled at Yukito to wait, sprinting towards him. He stopped in front of his beaming husband, wide-eyed and out of breath, staring intently at the squirming bundle in his arms.

"So it's true?" he asked breathlessly. "We really have a baby girl?"

Yukito smiled sheepishly. "Actually…" At Touya's worried face, he backtracked. "There's nothing wrong! We finally have a child! But. . ." the man trailed off and whispered the rest in Touya's ear.

"WHAT THE HELL!? IT'S A BOY!?"

Yuki consequently pushed his husband into their room and shut the door. "Not so loud, Touya! Or else they'll hear you," he reproved gently.

"How can you mistake a boy for a girl?" Touya asked disbelievingly. Yukito raised an eyebrow and turned the baby so that his face was visible. Touya moved in closer and stared at the child. "Damn, he does look like a girl," he exclaimed softly. The king put his finger in front of the curious boy and watched him grab it in wonder. He glanced up at his husband. "Okay, now what do we do?"

Yukito watched the father and son bond with a smile and replied. "Keep the kingdom thinking that they have a princess, of course! I've already ordered some dresses."

"Great, I have a girly looking son who has to crossdress," Touya grumbled halfheartedly, poking the baby's belly and smiling at his gurgles of delight. "What are we going to name him? Nadeshiko, or something girly like that?"

The queen shook his head. "Maybe something more androgynous," he pondered. "How about Fai?"

Touya grinned. "Fai. So this little monster is called Fai," he remarked, staring at his son's sleepy face. Yuki returned the grin.

"Princess Fai. It has a ring to it, doesn't it?"

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The weeks pass by in a blur of excitement for the kingdom as they ready for the celebratory ball for their new princess. Although some subjects were rather perplexed as to how their King and Queen were able to conceive a child, others were overjoyed at the arrival of the newborn. The queen was especially busy, tending to the care of his child while simultaneously planning the details of the ball. He had already contacted the fairies in charge of granting his son gifts. Hokuto, Tomoyo, and Mokona were widely known to be the best gift-giving fairies in the country, and Yuki will only give the very best to his newborn. And along with the fairies, he had invited all of the people in the kingdom to join him and his husband in the dancing hall to see their new princess.

Yukito and Touya were undoubtedly excited for the party, but they knew the problems that came with having a royal child. They hired all of the best soldiers possible to keep from unwanted guests, like the evil witch fairy Malifichin, who brings bad luck to any who come across him and his evil crow, Kyle. But with all of the men ready to fight to protect their princess, the king and queen felt safe and went on with their plans.

On the day of the ball, an enormous line of people gathered on the streets to travel to the king's castle, holding various presents and gifts for the new princess. As the crowd quickly filed into the large hall, King Touya and Queen Yuki entered with the baby in Yukito's arms and gently placed him inside a fancy little cradle full of ribbons, bows and glitter. They sat down on the thrones in between the cradle, and waited for the arrival of the three fairies.

Soon enough, a shower of sparkles rained down in front of the couple as three vague shapes formed in the midst. Two girls, one with long, flowing black hair and another with short; stylishly cut black hair arrived with a peculiar looking creature with the resemblance of a pork bun. They landed softly and greeted the king and queen with curtsies before hurrying over to the little child.

"How adorable!" Hokuto exclaimed gleefully, looking down at the gurgling baby. "Tomoyo-chan, look at this little princess!"

Tomoyo drew closer and studied the small child for another moment before raising an eyebrow and glancing at the parents. Yukito smiled sheepishly while Touya rolled his eyes and shrugged; the gentle fairy smiled benevolently. "Indeed, _she_ is a beauty," Tomoyo remarked, stepping aside for the third fairy to look at the child.

Mokona flew up to the crib and peered down. "It's barely bigger than Mokona! And it's just as cute too!"

The three stared at the wide-eyed baby for a little while before Touya cleared his throat impatiently. Hokuto jumped in surprise before looking around and clapping her hands. "Now, we can't waste another second! Let us give our gifts to this child." She watched as Tomoyo and Mokona pulled back before flicking out her pink wand. "I give you, Princess Fai, the gift of everlasting beauty and incredible fashion sense!" She twirled the wand in a circle and watched as a dust of pink sparkles fell on the infant.

Hokuto smiled triumphantly and bowed before stepping back to let Tomoyo glide up to the crib. She remained deep in thought for a few moments before pulling out her purple wand. "I give you, Princess Fai, the gift of an exquisite voice and sharp wit." She waved her wand and smiled as a spattering of purple sparkles fell on the princess.

Tomoyo turned to give Mokona leeway for her final gift, but at that moment, a loud boom erupted from the middle of the hall and a dense pink smoke emerged, swirling around the center ominously while an odd pink flower popped out occasionally. Once the entire hall had quieted and the room shrouded in suspense, the figure emerged from his cocoon of pink smoke.

It was the evil fairy Malifichin accompanied by his squawking crow Kyle.

His face had initially been one of a diabolical smile at his ingenious appearance, but soon enough a great big, ugly frown adorned his sickly green features. While the queen had properly gasped and the king had stood up and taken out his sword in anger and the fairies glaring at him heatedly, the other guests had succumbed to staring at his rather─ to put it very, very kindly─ large, deformed chin. It was quite a spectacle and as big as a country, they all thought bewilderingly, and it much resembled a man's behind. The fairies, however, gossiped to each other in hushed tones.

"How dare he have the guts to show up at this celebration!"

"Mokona thinks so too! But doesn't his chin look a lot bigger now?"

"It was rumored that he tried to make a spell to shrink it and it backfired on him."

"Ha! Serves him right! Especially since it looks like his sex change went along fine."

"Well, it may be because he never acted like a girl in the first place. He's better off as a male fairy."

"Mokona thinks the term male fairy is very wrong."

Touya, getting very tired of the silent reverie everyone was in at the sight of Malifichin's chin, called out to the evil fairy. "Why are you here? You aren't welcomed."

Malifichin resumed smirking sinisterly. "Why, I did think I was. I'm so sorry, I should leave now, should I?"

"Yes, leave this place and go back to your depressing castle! Mokona and everyone else want you to leave!" Mokona exclaimed indignantly.

"And never come back, if you please," Yukito added quietly.

"Why, that would be rude to our newest addition to the royal family, now wouldn't it?" Malifichin grinned, showing his rotten teeth. "Oh, I know! As an apology, why don't I give a gift to this child, hmm?"

The fairies gasped and stood in front on the cradle defiantly, defending the unknowing Fai tucked under an array of warm blankets. Malifichin glowered at them and swelled up. "You refuse to let me give a gift to the child? Then, I shall give the princess a curse!"

The evil fairy took out his staff and spoke loudly as the onlookers watched the puce colored smoke travel towards and envelop their princess in horror. "Before sunset on the day of the princess's 21st birthday, she will encounter an immensely tall tower and have the urge to climb the stairs to the very top. When she steps on the last step, there will be a child with long ragged hair and a face like her own. When she touches that child, she will fall to the floor and die!"

_-__To Be Continued-_

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A/N Moko-chan: Dun! Dun! Duuuuuun! And if you thought that was crazy, wait til the next chapter! Ohohoho! And don't worry, Kuro-prince will appear sooooon! Wait, how soon Forsaken-chan?

A/N Forsaken Girl: Weeeell, according to how things are going right now, our valiant prince Kuro-sama will arrive in only- Wait! I mustn't tell you people this now, should I? :D But don't worry, he shall arrive with a special character very soon! Now, this is the place where I ask for reviews. I must say that every single review we read for the last chapter was totally and completely awesome and huggable and did I mention awesome? We would love to hear from you and your thoughts~ Thank you for reading though! We shall be back!


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